Misunderstandings
by Profiler14
Summary: Tony kinda misunderstands and choas ensues for the DiNozzo family. Full of funny Tiva-ness. I could not find a suitable title or a summary. Decent story inside.


**Hey all! So this idea has been on mind for awhile. I've been writing a few things but been totally afraid to post recently.**

**Disclaimer: NCIS wouldn't fit under my tree this past Christmas so it still belongs to the people who will own it forever.**

What was a nice quiet afternoon soon turned into a very loud evening when fourteen year-old Eira DiNozzo was finishing up her homework when she heard them from downstairs. She knew some things about her parent's marriage 1) they loved each other 2) when they wanted to be alone they locked themselves in their bedroom claiming they were "talking about Christmas" 3) and when they fight…run upstairs.

She was used to her parents bickering or their 'lover's quarrels' as her Grandpa Gibbs put it, but it was usually resolved in a few minutes and if it wasn't she was prepared to hear a lot of "David" and "DiNozzo" being shouted around their living room.

She had a massive biology test in two days and she desperately needed to study when she heard a plate smash to the ground downstairs, she quickly locked her door, raised the volume of _Mumford and Sons_ and quickly turned her attention back to the pathway of sperm that she need to know for her 11th grade biology midterm. She was a small girl, but what he lacked in physical size she made up with the size of her brain. Her father would always compare her and her uncle McGee: their smarts and their love of writing, but he couldn't deny the resemblance of her and his wife. They both had the same skin tone beautiful chocolate curls, loved of knives but his only physical contribution was her piercing green eyes.

She was almost done memorizing the pathway when she heard two very loud knocks on her door, probably only loud comparable to the volume of her music. She inched towards the door very carefully hoping that it would not be one of her parents. She opened the door a millimeter and caught the sight of her own green eyes, but these ones rimmed in deep brown.

"Eirie can I come in? I can't concentrate" her 10 year-old sister Hannah asked desperate to be rid of their fight.

"Come in Hanni, but I have to study" she said as she opened the door only to catch snippets of their fight.

"_Why did you break the plate" she yelled._

"_Of course you think I did it on purpose" he spat back "this is not about the plate so stop changing the subject"._

"I have to study to, I have a definition test tomorrow" Hannah said as soon as her sister shut the door and took refuge on her bed.

They continued in semi-silence for the remainder of the hour until there was a slight tap on the window.

Eira went to her window only to find her best friend and cousin, Jake McGee sitting in the treehouse that was located right outside her window. She opened the window and quickly let him in from the chilly D.C. air.

"Hey guys" he said as he climbed in swiftly and closed the window and put the screen back in place.

"I kinda heard your parents arguing when I was coming back from football practice and guessed you guys were hiding in here…so I brought you guys dinner" he said as he pulled out two sandwiches from his backpack.

Jake was the kind of guy you wanted your daughter to date. He looked exactly like his father with the exception of his jet black hair he clearly inherited from his mother. Honor roll, top of his class, except biology (which was held by Eira), star football player with a heart of gold. His entire family had always joked that him and Eira had been switched at birth being only months apart and possessing hardly any of their fathers personality traits.

"Thanks Jakey" Hannah said as he gave her a sandwich, that by appearance, he clearly made it as it was falling apart. Cooking or even putting bread and meat together was not his forte.

"So…what are they fighting about this time?" he asked sitting on the bed next to Hannah. He was also used to his aunt and uncle being quite explosive when they came to disagreements.

"I have no ide-"

"Dad found a pregnancy test in the trash" Hannah said cutting off her sister and taking a bite of her sandwich only to spit it right out.

"What?!" Eira yelled choking on her sandwich.

"Yup"

"How do you know this" Jake asked.

"I know everything" she said confidently.

"Does she really? She can't know everything"

"She does" Eira piped in "well not everything in the world but the inner workings of the house and everyone's secrets…she has her ways"

"But she's 10"

"And three quarters" she added.

"Dad calls her a ninja. I thought mom and dad weren't going to have anymore kids" she asked turning to her sister remembering asking her parents if she was finally going to get a brother and them saying no after losing their last child.

"Mom said it was her test and dad said she was lying"

"But?"

"That's why their fighting. He thinks that mom cheated on him"

"But he wouldn-"

"_Eira Jayne DiNozzo get your ass down here this minute!"_ they heard booming from the bottom of the stairs.

"_Tony watch your language!"_

"Or he thinks that mom's lying about it being her test" she said.

"You're not ten, you're too smart" Jake said ruffling her hair.

"That's why Ducky thinks I'll be a good profiler one day, I can get in people's heads" she said proudly.

"Wait…he thinks it's mine?!" Eira screeched.

"I'm too little" she said as innocent as a puppy.

They all quickly left her room and ran towards the stairs where their parents stood anger clearly written on their father's face and annoyance written on their mothers.

"Jake I think it's time for you to go home" Ziva said calmly.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Who did you think I got the trait of knowing everything from?" Hannah said.

"He's not going anywhere" Tony said grabbing him by the collar.

"Sir" Jake said "may I go home" he said terrified.

"Only after we have a talk" he said in said low growl.

"Sir, I would never date Eira, no offense, but she's like family and frankly Sir, you scare me and I would never date a girl whose parents have several guns and weapons, for my safety of course" he said nervously.

"Jake, go home"

"Gladly. Bye aunt Ziva" he said desperately wanting to leave and trying to avoid eye contact with his uncle who scared him.

"Mommy I'm hungry" Hannah said in an innocent tone.

"Okay. Jake's sandwich wasn't good?" she said knowing everything that went on in her house.

"No"

"Eira is there anything you want to tell me and your mother?"

"No" was her response.

"But-"

"Tony she is fourteen do you not trust her?"

"I don't trust McJunior"

"Can I go back upstairs, I have homework" Eira pleaded with her mom, knowing at this moment she was the only rational parent she had.

"Go" he told her and she proceeded to run up the stairs and shutting her door gently.

"Tony are you hungry?" Ziva asked nicely.

"I'm not hungry"

"Really?" mother and daughter said in unison.

"I get not hungry…so you're pregnant?" he asked

"I thought I already told you that" she replied.

"Really?"

"I think the test speaks for itself Tony."

"But how is that possible?"

"Do you want me to explain the birds and the flies in front of our 10 year-old?"

"Bees"

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind, but that's impossible. I can't have any more kids" he said with raised eyebrows referring to the procedure her had done earlier in the month.

"You're having a baby mom?" Hannah asked between bites of her peanut-butter and banana sandwich.

"Yes" she said with a slight grin.

"Who's the father?" Tony asked who was starting to get on Ziva's nerves.

"Hannah upstairs" her mother said gently.

"That would be my cue to leave" she said grabbing the remainder of her sandwich to-go.

She slowly walked towards her husband grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back totally losing her patience with him "Do you remember that the doctor told us that it would take a few months for the procedure to become permanently effective?" she almost growled.

"Uh huh" he said through pain.

"And who was the one who insisted that we have…a discussion without protection" she said choosing her words carefully knowing that her ten year-old was still within earshot.

"Me" he said through gritted teeth as her grip became tighter.

"Why would you suggest that I would cheat on you?"

"Sorry Zeev" he said as she let go.

"So"

"So…what?" she replied.

"We're having another kid?" he asked regretting his idiocy.

"It sure looks that way" she said climbing the stairs.

"I'm sorry Ziva" he said taking her by the wrist and turning her around.

"I accept that you are an idiot"

"I should have read the pamphlet the doctor gave me huh?"

"Yes, but I do understand your worry and where you were coming from" she said taking her husband's hand.

"I love you"

"And I love you as well, but you are an idiot"

"I know" he said as he started climbing the stairs with her towards their bedroom.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Umm…bed?"

"You are in the cat-house? Is that the saying?"

"Dog house Ziva"

"Well you are on the couch tonight" she said with a quick kiss to his lips and proceeded to go up the stairs to their bedroom alone.

**Okie-dokie, that was fun. It was supposed to be more comical than serious. I actually did research on vasectomies for this and what I wrote is true. If I get any mean reviews I will not hesitate to delete the story. Been thinking for awhile of deleting my FF account because of some stuff that was said on reviews was not necessarily very hurtful to most but to me it was. I've re-written this story so many times and decided its not going to get much better than this.**

**DFTBA and Best wishes!**

**Reviews are appreciated they make my heart smile.**


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